Thursday, November 10, 2005
●● Just A Rant ●●
Just a rant here. I really do need one to keep me sane. Otherwise I think I'm going mad with all the stress on me. All of the stress are building up in me like tonnes of helium gas in a balloon. And the biggest similarity of it all is that I will probably explode like the balloon soon. GOD HELP ME. Labels: RANTS
I've been so tied down by all the applications forms and whatever shit. It's such a fresh experience handling such a major event of my life independently. But, it's so farking lonely doing all these. The emotional rollercoaster I'm going through is so distressing. One moment its so high up as though I can see a brand-new-horizon right in front of my eyes. One moment I'm in pits, darkness hails.
USYD even sent me a book called "The Road To Success". *Honestly, I wonder if it's 100% chop chop success.* It's really informative and I'm truly glad that they even bothered to send me a guide to relieve me of my god-knows-how-much-stress.
However, the more I read the book, the more I realized how much I haven't done/prepared yet. Damn it. Big issue like accomodation over there isn't settled even though I've sent in my applications eons years ago but god knows when I will have to wait until before someone tells me if its successful *Yippee!* or unsuccessful *Fark!*. WOULDN"T THE PEOPLE THERE HURRY UP FOR GOD'S SAKE????!!!!
Also, there are lots to prepare also. Like life over there such as my meals/clothes/med/internet/com/tel/laundry/applicances and-blah-blah-other-stuffs. Its so stressful to start preparing for things when all your 20 years of life, things have been there for you when you need them. Mama has been really kind to me since I was born. I never had to worry about such things. And now, all of a sudden, I'm freaking out because of all these. Why? Cos I dunno where I should start from. I'm feeling so damn lost. Do you know what I'm saying?
I also had to do my e-visa and ME (medical examinations) plus CXR (chest xray). ARGHHH!!! I've been sending tonnes of patients to do them and sometimes I'm involved in the ME as well. Now, it's my turn. I hope nothing wrong crops up or i'm dead meat if they don't let me go aussie. Pardon my paranoid but ME usually proves to be a rather stressful events for patients as well.
Study study study. I seriously think I need to revise my work again after so many months because I don't want to go over and become a dumbo there. It's a Singaporean student's pride. No one is going to pity you if you don't know anything. They'll probably have a good laugh and kick you aside. And, I'm not going to waste mama's money like that.
So, it's studies time. Fark. It has been so long since I touched my books. And, I have so many books like my anatomy/physiology or clinical/nursing or med/surgical books which are so darn heavy. My med/surg book is the most amazing book I ever have. It's over 2200 pages. Yes, your eyes didn't fake you. It's 2200. Am I supposed to send them over as well? It's going to weigh more than just a stone with 3 of such books combined.
God knows how many things I have to prepare and pack into my luggage. Tonnes. It's like packing my room into my bag. I can't bear to leave anything behind. Probably I will pack my baby pillows along to ease me of my homesickness. If I can, I will probably pack my mr.junwei in as well. His presence will bring me laughter. There are just so much that I can't leave behind. My family, friends, my comfort zone, the its-so-safe-Singapore, (Note: Sydney is currently undergoing terrorist crisis. Fark.) and everything that I love about Singapore. KTV with jia/ty/xf or madness with pei/han/garie or volunteer work at KKH/IMH.
As the day draws nearer and nearer, my heart is aching more and more. I don't know why I should feel like that. I should be so happy with the opportunity to go abroad and study with ang-mohs. But none of this is an incentive for me to feel happy about. I'm comfortable where I am, studying with people who craps in singlish, who knows who I am and who loves me for who I am.
Ahhh! Just some ranting to get things off my chest. Apparently, it works. I'm indeed feeling better. THANK GOD FOR THAT. AMEN.