Sunday, February 19, 2006
●● Everyone's Left. I'm All Alone. ●●
Everyone's not with me. I'm all alone here in big sydney. The loneliness just overwhelmed me and i couldn't help it but sobbed terribly with despair when mammy left for the airport. Every now and then, my tears just flow like my leaking tap in my studio. When i think of singapore, my heart just scrunched up. It's a horrible feeling. I think its only understood by those of the same plight as me. Labels: RANTS
Life in a very different country, life in a very different culture, life without any family and friends. It's empty. You can't imagine it. It's heart-wrenching. It's freakingly scary. I miss home in angmokio so much, i miss my bed, i miss my channel8 telly shows, i miss my family, i miss daa, i miss my besties and i miss my very familiar environment, my sbs buses, my mrt trains. I'm so freaking homesick. It's so frightful. Too frightening for me to cope.
But i'm trying. I'm trying very hard not to cry, trying my very best to adapt, trying my hardest to live alone without any support right now in my life. It's so awful because things just get too scary when i'm alone.
But i'm thankful for my tiniest weeniest mean of entertainment and support - my lappie. It's more precious than my life now. Because of her, *i've-decided-that-it's-a-she.* i can talk to family and friends in singapore. You don't know how much it means to me. At least for that moment, i'm not really alone. I'm clinging on to this last support. I'm pathetic right? Fark man.
I'm so sick of the crying-sobbing-eyes-red-xin. I'm tough right? Ain't I? I'll get back on my feet soon. V.v.v. soon. I can't be crying everyday for the rest of my study year here. I'll be blind by the rate i'm going right now. Probably my tearducts are too overworked.
I miss singapore. I realized that in my heart, singapore is the best and i love it. I'll be flying back as soon as i can. I probably hopped onto the next available plane and fly back when i'm done with my studies.
Right now, it's only the very farking beginning. It's the orientation next week. Probably, i will know more singapore friends then and hopefully, it would ease some of my v.v.v.huge.loneliness and homesick-ness. I miss all the singlish, all the lahs, lohs, lehs. Hurhur :p
I miss all of you.